saint-erin's Diaryland Diary

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pray for us, pray for sunshine

Sometimes i wonder why i am so sad.
I then look around me and realize that i have been sitting in the dark seeking refuged light from a computer screen, dirty and famished. I will then turn on the lights, take a shower, make a recipe and then be happy again. Why do i do this to myself? My family are the only people i will call to hang out with me these days. i have been taking care of my sisters more. i go over to my sisters in the morning to babysit. I open up the curtains to light up the dark house and let her get things done. i love my nephew so much. Yesterday i put on mojave 3 and danced with him for an hour just holding him and we stared out the window. My sisters used to have a hard time being in my company b/c i would get too anxious and couldnt stand to just sit around. They told me yesterday that i am so laid back now and fun to hang out with. This really made me so happy. I have tried to pinpoint this change in myself. I think it is b/c I am going to school and working now. It gives me satisfaction with my life. I also think I used to be a really selfish person.

5:54 p.m. - 2005-12-10

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